As I've stated before, when a relationship go bad emotionally, ideally, the two parties should try to talk it over and come to some sort of compromise. They may ask a friend, to be a go-between to help with the discussions. If neither works, then they can go their separate ways.
In a marriage, it's not so easy. As with a relationship, ideally, they should try to talk it over. If that doesn't work out, it would be advisable to seek outside help either by a family member, religious leader, or a professional trained in dealing with these problems.
In an idealistic world, the relationship would be repaired, some compromise would be reached and they would live "happily ever after."
The Real World
Sadly, we don't live in a fairy tale... we live in the real world. Many relationships are repaired or arrangements reached but as we see daily that's not the "Norm."
Many couples live day by day unhappy in their marriage. They are held together because of one or more of these reasons: Some feeling of love hoping the other will change, religious, moral, health, financial, children, guilt, or fear of the unknown if they leave.
A physically abused partner is often made to feel it's their fault for the bad marriage. They stay, partially, for that guilt and partially for fear of the wrath of their partner if they leave. Unfortunately, it usually takes some outside intervention before they leave.
If the emotional issues are not mutually resolved, then one party, or the other will look for other ways of feeling emotionally happy. Some dive into their work, others find hobbies, or join groups. Of course there are those who go outside the marriage for the sensuality, affection, or sex. Things that they feel are missing from their lives.
The Alternatives:
Help!
Help for a relationship or marriage can come in many forms. Keeping an "open mind" and talking "together" with a close friend, family member, religious leader, or trained professional can often clear the air for change. The "trick" to this fix is such that both parties should feel they have a desire to stay together, agree there is a problem, and both try to work it out.
If the above “Help” doesn’t fix the problems. The alternatives can hurt…
The Affair: Right or Wrong! (I know, I know, "Not" in all Cases!!!)
If it is a man who is at the lower sensual level....To fix the self esteem problem he turns to porn, chat sites, or goes out to find a woman. His picks are usually near or less than his own sensual level so he can feel good about himself emotionally and sexually. He doesn't have to prove anything to her or keep any standard of affection.
If the man is at the higher level he will tend to go out to find someone more to his level so he can feel emotionally happy again. To him, it's not just sex he's looking for...it's the sensuality he's missing and looking for first, then the sex.
In the case of the woman, it's the same. Unfortunately, looking for emotional happiness, if married, the double standards of society make it harder for the woman to find happiness. Mankind hasn't changed since biblical times. Ego still gets in the way and we haven't evolved away from that.
I'm "Not" saying it is right. I'm just saying, like it or not, it is what it is!
Most often these affairs leads to the end of the marriage.
Separation & Divorce
Some professional guidance can be very useful during these transitions.
When interaction with a partner causes constant anger, critical reaction to statements, the sound of their voice can feel like scratching nails on a blackboard, or contempt during your daily time together..... The marriage is probably over.... you just don't know or won't accept it yet.
Sometimes, it's necessary to step away from the problem to see it from another perspective. It can take the form of a trial separation. Time can be a wonderful healer. Time away can also give one insight of what feelings are left for their partner.
If all means of repair have proved to be futile, and the differences are such that there is no going back then a final break may be decided. For the most part families either go for legal separation then divorce, or right to the divorce.
There are some who stay married but live apart with their separate lives. They may keep the marriage going for medical benefits, financial/tax savings, for their children's sake, not ready for the divorce, or feel the divorce is not necessary.
Hopefully, if a divorce does occur, it is finalized with the least pain and anguish for all parties and their siblings.
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