Once again I can't stress enough how important this is.... "Like yourself!"
If you don't "Like" yourself, how can you like or love anyone else???
You first have to know yourself. By this I mean you have to know what you are looking for. It's obvious you want someone can be a friend, someone you feel comfortable with. One you can trust and talk to, hopeful to find someone at or near your level of sensuality.
You have to realize that being over 40, you are in a different situation than you were in your 20's.
Women: Most men you date today will sooner want more than just friendship!
Men: A Woman wants friendship, then maybe, see where it goes
Whoever you date at this time will either be a confirmed bachelor, divorced, widowed, or married.
Confirmed Bachelor/Bachelorette: Is one who is set in his/her ways, very rigid, and not easily looking for someone to settle down with for some time.
If you're a woman, a Bachelor may not be a good catch if she has a family. Mainly because he is used to being alone, and will find it hard to share his time with her children or grandkids.
Divorced: Probably out of a long-term marriage and not looking to run so fast into a committed long-term relationship.
If a male, he may date several women to see what he believes he was missing, though the female may want a more monogamous man.
He/she will also probably have children, grand children and possible child support. Their family obligations "Will" take away some of your quality time.
Widower/Widow: If too soon after their loss, will possibly have emotional problems stemming from letting go and may want a replacement Long-Term Relationship ASAP but can have a hard time with their emotions. Patience is necessary for this to work out well.
Last of all, of course,
Married Man/Woman: This relationship, of course not conventional, can be a good Long-Term Relationship within the obvious limitations but gives you freedom. It's good for someone who wants minimal commitment, their "space", freedom to come and go, no one to move into his/her living quarters, or no one there 24/7. One must use discretion.
The Choice is yours:
Now, ask yourself, do you want a Long-Term Relationship? Someone to remarry? A 24/7 person? Do you want someone to be with and still have your freedom? Do you want just a sometimes relationship for convenience?
I've discussed this with many people, here is something that might help....
When looking for a potential partner...don't look for the traits you want. Instead try to see if there are any traits you really don't like in that person. If you look only for the good traits they will blind you from the traits you might not like. In the beginning, when things are good, you will overlook the bad or irritating traits. If the relationship takes a turn, the really bad traits will irk you every day!!!
Communicate, talk, listen, ask questions relating what is important to your wants and needs. "Listen" carefully "how" they answer the questions.
Gut feelings are usually right. Listen not only to what they say but what they don't say that you really want them to say. i.e. ....if they say they like sexy women...do they mean sexual or sensual? If they say they only like to do only one thing ...they may be narrow-minded or self-centered. If they don't like clingy women... they may be self absorbed or just not sensual to your level.
Once you eliminate those with traits you don't want it will be easier to find what you do. By doing this you can weed out people even before you meet them. You may miss a few princes this way but you won't have to kiss many frogs along the way.
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